Coming out as a Sexy Dork Contest

by Jiz Lee on / Contests & Sales

The Episode with me and Dallas is out on CrashPadSeries.com. Those of you who watched it can see that we had a LOT of fun.

Here I will admit that it’s true: I have fun during sex. I like smiling and laughing, and being a complete goof, and trying new things even if they’re silly.

Hello, did I really just pull on those arm ropes like they were puppet strings? Yea, that was me. And now it’s on the internet. Oh geez… I can’t hide it any longer.

Sexy Dork

I’m officially coming out as… a Sexy Dork.

The good news is, I may not be alone. Are you a sexy dork too?
Babeland  gave me permission (because they’re cool like that) to host contests on my site where I can award sex toys to lucky folks at my discretion. Sweet! This year they turned 15 years old — making them the longest running lesbian/female-owned sex toy store on the planet! High fives!*

So, I’ll choose a winner who comments about the following: Describe a “Sexy Dork Moment” from your experience, and share as much as you like about it. Was it funny dirty-talk? A silly decision that makes you laugh out loud later? Let’s have fun with sex again; sex is fucking fun.

What you get: I don’t know yet! It’ll probably be a swanky vibrator or some other cool kind of sex toy. I’ll email the winner with details. When is the deadline? I don’t want to wait around for ever, and I will likely come up with another contest idea so fast. So let’s say the deadline is next Friday, Oct 10th. Ready, Set, Share!

Just one rule: You can’t be shy. Have sexy dork pride!

*See, I’m totally getting into the dorky spirit.

Jiz Lee

27 Replies to “Coming out as a Sexy Dork Contest”

Laura

I like to fuck to music, and this one particular time I had my playlist on random, forgetting about some of the dorkier things I have on my ipod. My friend is eating me out and on comes the theme to “Clarissa Explains It All”. Damn my childhood nostalgia! It totally cracked both of us up. We then proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon watching old Nickelodeon shows, reminiscing about growing up, and having some intensely giggly sex. It’s about time I came out of the sexy dork closet! Awesome contest idea.

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Angry

hhhmmmmm choosing just one will be hard.

There is one moment that happened during age play but i don’t know if I want to open up that can of worms.

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Pappi Razzi

Well, this one time I tried to be anti-dork but instead my true dork came out in full force. I was trying to be muy romantico with my first girlfriend so I lit some candles on the window seat next to my bed. Anyway, we were rolling around doing our muy romantico thing and I completely forgot about the potential fire hazard right next to us when all of a sudden OOPS there goes girlfriend’s hair up in flames! We had landed dangerously close to the candles and in an instant GF’s hair went SIZZLE. Thankfully my reflexes were fast enough that I managed to put it out without too much damage… It only ended up burning about a 2 inch little lock. Anyway, we laughed for a good long while at just how silly it was to light candles so close to the bed… It was like I was taking tips from The Ladies Man on Saturday Night Live.

🙂

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Ade

Here’s my dorky story,
I was dating a very very vanilla boy. He’d never done a girl doggy style before, and after much convincing I got him to think it was a good idea. Being a particular *ahem* big boy it was enjoyable for a while, but eventually became too much for my poor cervix. I should mention that I was at the time subleasing a room from a mutual friend who LOVED care bears. Room decorated in them, one poster in particular facing the bed with a bunch of them making silly faces. As I turn over to lay back down on the bed a particularly loud queef erupts. I’d never had one be quite that loud before but said nothing, just kinda sunk into the bed. He of course, promptly asked what that noise was thinking it was something else. When I went to tell him looked at the stupid poster… which has one of the care bears holding a hand over it’s mouth like it’s giggling. So instead of an explanation the poor boy instead got me screaming “IT’S LAUGHING AT MY QUEEF!”
then… of course… i had to explain not only why i had, but what it was(he didn’t know that could happen) and why i was yelling about it. but by that point it was just funny. we still are friends and occasionally he’ll ask if the care bear is still laughing at me.

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Jiz Lee

LMAO! These are *amazing* and I’m so happy to read all these hilarious stories — it’s making my day. Keep them coming please! I’ll try to think of one to add as well… And now I’ll never look at Care bares in the same way ever again! ; ))

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Volatelle

so, this one time at…my place… my deliciously dorky gf and i were engaged in some pretty glorious fisting and all of a sudden she starts giggling. Then laughing. Then laughing hysterically. She claims that every time she moved in me, I opened my mouth and moaned right on cue, essentially making me her puppet. All the while she is still fucking me, I’m loving it, and we’re laughing…which then turned into her pretending to ‘drive stick’ with me. Complete with grabbing my tits and ‘honking’. Driving me figuratively and literally. Silly but true…and all super hot at the same time. The things I do for her…*grin*

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Essin' Em

So I was hooking up with this girl, and after round one, we were lying in bed. I said something, and didn’t hear a response. This is the conversation I had:

Me: You know, this is usually the point where you say something. Like “no, no, thank YOU,” or “you’re welcome” or “my anus is bleeding” or SOMETHING.
Her: *silence* Wait, WHAT?
Me: You know from the rejected cartoons? My spoon is too big, I am a banana!
Her: What???
Me: You’ve never seen them? Silly hat party? I’m feeling fat and sassy? My anus is bleeding?
Her: No, I don’t think I have.
Me: Oh. Well, this is awkward then.

Yeah. I’m a total dork. I thought *everyone* had seen the Rejected Cartoons.
-EE

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Dustin

A former girlfriend and I were making out during a discussion of Nabokov once…We ended up getting into a debate about the novel Pale Fire. This lead to a rather aggressive bout of fucking. And eventually got to the point where we started bringing up outside critical analysis to argue our respective points (chiefly Brian Boyd, famed Nabokov scholar). Though the highlight was when she said “Well, Boyd also argues that you really should be fucking me in the ass right now.” And really, at that point, I just had to give in and lose the argument.

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Jocey

I’ve had many sexy dork moments, but one really stands out in my mind:

I had bought a sampler pack of condoms online for my boyfriend and I to try out because the condoms we were using just weren’t cutting it for us. One of the condoms in the pack was a Night Light glow in the dark condom that glows a very neon green, much like a lightsaber. My boyfriend put it on after holding it up to the lamp for a minute and turning the light off and was waiting for me to dig the lube out of his nightstand. When I turned back around to him he flexed his muscles in a way that made his penis twitch. All I could see with the lights of was this glowing, green penis. I started cracking up. He was so confused! He finally asked me what I was laughing about as I was crying in laughter, so I told him, “Make your dick twitch again! It’s glowing like a lightsaber!” He bust out laughing too and said, “Use the force, Jocey!” and made it twitch upward like he was moving it telepathically. I replied, “Oh yeah! Now it’s time for a Jedi mind trick!” and shook my booty at him. Now I can never watch Star Wars seriously ever again. xD

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Erin Leone

Ok, I’m not going to lie about this one. Basically any occurrence in my sex life has been and will continue to be dorky and awkward. There’s just no other way to be. Its hard to pick a single event, but definitely one of my top favorites is the first time I wore a strap-on.

My girlfriend had been taunting me for weeks by sending pictures of herself in her new harness (long distance is a tease). Sexy. Not dorky, right? Finally I got the chance to go see her. Maybe five minutes after I arrived, we were in her room. She whips out her harness from a drawer and wants me to put it on. I kind of stare at this giant leather bondage spider thing, wondering where all the straps went, where to put my leg, etc. She has to help me. I’m slow. Can’t help it. After about five minutes of fidgeting with it, it is very securely on my body. Oh yeah, and then I danced around in it. Step one: complete! Next came the cock. Big, purple, shiny, kind of awkward in itself. For a second I imagined that it fell off of some unfortunate man of the same color. Poor guy. But then my mind snapped back to the task at hand. I had to get it in the harness. Simple enough. Two snaps and an o-ring later, it was in place. Another dance for victory. It bounced around with me. I couldn’t stop laughing at it. I kinda batted it around, jumped some more, made some “boing” sound effects. Step two: complete? Still giggling a bit, I remembered that I was supposed to use this for fucking… oh right… Well I guess I’ll spare you all the rest, but in the end it was a super dorky good time.

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Red

While he was going down on me for the first time, “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls came on the radio in the background. I giggled, reached down, and came before the end of the song.

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PatchworkKitty

A few months ago my boyfriend was in the mood for some super kinky, dominatrix-type sex, So I thought I would go all-out. Tied him to the bed, blindfolded, gagged him, the full deal. Then I decide to lube him up and give him a full-body massage. This goes great at first. I’m sitting on his thighs, teasing and massaging, he’s going nuts and I’m having a blast. I want to give him some oral, so I slide down his leg a little bit…and keep sliding! I had rubbed so much lube on his legs that when I moved down I slipped right off his leg, off the bed, and ended up wedged between the wall and the bed. As I’m stuck there, stunned, I hear him laughing though his gag. His blindfold had slipped just a little, and he saw the whole thing! Funniest, dorkiest sex I have ever had =)

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Jiz Lee

I never thought about ‘accidents’ during sex as being dorky – but a good laugh after definitely counts. Isn’t it funny how being ‘dorky’ brings out the kid in us, the imagination/make-believe, or the nerd in us; the cerebral geek in us? (Nabokov! LMAO…)

I’m loving these! What a great way to brighten the work week, no?
P.S. Essin’ Em, thank you a million times over for that link. : ))

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kansas

i dated a guy with a huge cadillac convertible. it was beautiful, and so great to fuck in.

one night we dressed up to the nines, went out for dinner and drinks – then found our way to a quiet corner of the biggest city park in town. commence with the fucking.

my flowing white dress bunched up at my hips, nipples popping out, hair a mess – we fucked in the back seat, on the hood, bent over the front seat – for a long time. it was hot.

then, of course, i had to pee. no one was around so i hiked my skirt up and squatted next to the car, no care in the world. apparently, not enough care to watch where i was peeing – right into my shoes and all over my underwear.

so i had to return to the car with my wet unders and shoes in hand, replacing our post-coital joy with total total dorkiness. at least he laughed as i was flying the underwear like a flag out the window to dry them off. i am sure it was a sight – fancy dress, makeup, sparkly earrings, wet underwear, and a dorky grin.

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Ansley

Last Friday, my girlfriend and I made a lesbian pilgrimage to see Tegan and Sara at the Electric Factory in Philadelphia. I’d already seen them four times before, and she had already seen them several, as well.. but this was the first time we were seeing them together. At one point, they played two of their “songs about true love”, as Sara put it, and I was trying to be romantic with my arms around her standing infront of me. My hands were curious. They unravelled and one found itself in the front of her jeans. I struggled to *unnoticeably* make my way past her actual panties, and succeeded.. for the most part. After a few seconds of my fingertips massaging what I assumed was her clit without any sort of response, I put my mouth to her ear and asked: “Am I even in the ballpark?” We both had a good laugh about this. I decided to keep my hands out of her pants for the rest of the concert and instead stuck my fingers in her belt loops.

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Lilly

My SO and I used to play Everquest 2. For those not dorky/geeky, it’s a Massive Multiplayer Online RPG. It’s fun, but we don’t do the serious D&D roleplaying. They have a whole bunch of great “emotes” you can have your character do – dancing, kiss my ass, wave hello, begging, flirting, etc. So we’re both geeked out spending the night on our separate computers, playing the game. We group together so that he can help me with some quests, and I start with the funny emotes. This leads to an entire flirting session done only with our characters and emotes, lol.

We decide to play a competitive game between us, sorta like strip poker but without the poker; challenging each other to do ridiculous jumps without killing ourselves. You can strip female characters down from 9 visible items to nothing which is a ratty camisole and slip. The male characters strip down to their gerkins 😉

We stripped along with our characters at the end, and then finally met up in the hallway for some “real-time” action =D

And yes, we started our real-time flirty moves by mimicking the silly ones done in the game.

My god. Seeing that all typed out embarrasses me almost. We ARE dorky. And geeky. I prefer the term “geekette”, thank you.

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Jiz Lee

Holy Shit Lilly,

I think that beats the cake! I don’t want to say that you win hands down though, because I know that everyone has their own sexy dork scale; literary fucks, carebear stares, fisting puppets, jedi booty tricks, harness sound-effects, and Tegan n Sara missed-connections, and even ‘you know, my anus is bleeding??’ lost references are still in the running.

I have to admit that I’m liking the intentional / mutual dork moves more than the accidental goofs, though they ALL are so amazingly stellar, and I’m over-joyed with you all for sharing such personal and amazing stories. I can’t believe there’s still three more days for this contest, and can only wonder what else may come in the meantime.

PLEASE, don’t hold back now — these are great!

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burnsbothends

So (after firefox errored and I lost 5 paragraphs of nerdiness) I will try to be succinct.

My boy and I are dorks of the geek species. We’ve had hard times deciding whether to have sex or go through old 80s comics or Atari games. I’ve talked in kittypidgin (lolcat speak) in bed, and he thinks it’s funny. One time he said he thought I was perfect or something, and I turned over, pointed at the whip marks on my back (from him) and said “do these look like angel wings?” he made a thinking face, added a few more strokes, and said with the biggest grin on his face “now they do!” One time, right after I’d dyed my hair blue, after sex I noticed the dye was everywhere, and I had brushburn from his face, I giggled and said “Oh no, we’re a bad fan fiction! I’m all blue, and you’re grizzly- we’re Mystique and Wolverine!” and we laughed and laughed and fucked like mutant bunnies. Another time, right after I took him to see The Dark Knight (and gave him a handjob in the theater, didn’t do more because I wanted him to pay attention to the movie), I showed him the vinyl catsuit Harley Quinn costume and said “I can be your Harley Quinn plz?” and he said “hmm, maybe…. do I have to wear all the makeup?” In the mornings, when we are getting up, we get on our respective computers naked and sometimes instant message each other while sitting next to each other.

We’re getting handfasted soon. He’s been playing Final Fantasy XI (the MMO) for as long as it’s been out, so the ring I’m giving him is the ring his character has, displaying his nation of allegiance- because I want him to know that I love every part of him, including the fantasy online gaming character. I’m thinking of including the poem “The Square Root of Three” from Harold and Kumar in the ceremony-
“I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed”

And may I just say we have better cyber sex than most people have in real life. We’re long distance, so it’s our main standby- but it’s a pretty hot alternative.

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rebs

I’m a single mum to a nearly 3-yr old. Parenting comes with a whole host of stupid-ass phrases, like ‘put your voice in your pocket’ (read: shut up) and ‘best behaviour, please’ (read: don’t you dare go running and screaming thru the library).

This spring I hooked up with a lovely young thing who was fairly quiet in bed. My mouth was wrapped around his cock, his head was thrown back and he was moaning away as he approached climax. Now, I like a little feedback and adore dirty talk, so in order to relay this to him, my choice of words was…’Use your words!’

Total geek mum moment.

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weakyknee

My ex and I used to role play Lord of the Rings Characters. “No, no! I get to be Frodo this time!” Also, once we did while watching Mary Poppins. Sing-a-longs and everything. Supercalafrajolicious!
🙂

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Beautiful Dreamer

My partner and I are both science dorks. I’m a nursing student, so therefore he was usually my “victim” for when I had to practice assessments/study/anything else horrendous you can think about. When we have sex, he now calls the anatomy the proper names. It sounds like a gynecologist and a urologist having sex. We giggle and laugh about it. It’s our dork-y thing.

He thinks I’m the sexiest dork when I wear my reading glasses and am chest high in books. And I have to say, there is something damn sexy about a man who loves a woman for her mind.

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