When a recent “Facebook revenge” started circulating the internet involving a youth’s sex list, I couldn’t help but cringe.

There’s a lot of real and potential harm in slut-shaming for youths. There are more than a few examples of youth who have been killed, who have committed suicide (incredibly sad), who have struck out against others in violence and fear, because each situation was dangerously elevated by the negative reaction of community members towards their sexuality. The shame, fear, anger, and hatred against sexuality creates a victim out of everyone, especially youth. And while boys are hardly immune to this we often see the victims arise as young women, trans and queer youths.

“Facebook Revenge” is currently posted on tons of blogs and each pretty much say the same thing. I’m weary of the comments found on these sites, reactions by adults which often show disgust over the idea of a young girl being so outwardly sexual. They laugh at her for keeping a list, call her words like slut, whore, bitch, etc…  say she deserved it, point blame at her parents, and many also brag about how “good” their own families or children are for not being [outwardly] sexual at all. Furthermore, a few consider this action as having “ruined her life” — and for this I have to pause. Since when is being sexual and knowing what you want, with whom — and by what deadline! —  a bad thing? I hope this list will add evidence to the fact that teens are sexually active and require honest sex education — not “protection” and definitely not punishment.

The comment, “I ♥ Facebook like you ♥ cock” is admittedly funny, but needs more analysis because the obvious difference is consent. Overall, the comment reactions of the post creep me out because of the judgments being slung around. Mollena replied at me, “I wish she’d been able to own it…THAT would have taken the wind out his sails!” And I agree! The whole point of the sensationalism of this thing is the very fact that it’s “embarrassing”. I wish it was more acceptable to be a slut.

When I was a teen, I was sexually active and found negativity around the topic of sex so I kept a lot of my experiences a secret. I also had a list and though I wasn’t as goal-oriented as the author of the list in question, my list had crushes I wanted to get with and the people who I already had sexual relations with and the sex acts we had done. If I could remember to do it I included the date when it happened. Often this was in list form, though sometimes it became journal entries. I gave blow-jobs, and hand-jobs, and people ate me out. I lost my V-card. I also did stupid things like use lotion as lube and double-up condoms because I didn’t know better.

Years passed and I got lazy about lists. I started again after college when I became poly and far more promiscuous. Now I continue to record sex through my iPhone period app because it’s an easy calendar to use and I always have it on hand. There are a lot of good reasons to keep lists of partners and sexual encounters. Keeping notes of what lovers like/dislike can be important in sex work. Some people who keep clients record boundaries, fantasies, and even sadistic ideas they get, while other people even keep a journal specifically for their lover to read.

Juliette Stray replied at me “I used to keep a sex list too, though I don’t think I ever really checked any off. In slut solidarity we should make & post new ones.” If I made one it would probably chronicle the co-stars I’ve worked with and performers who I want to work with in the future. But to be honest, my co-stars are often lovers who are new to porn so any onscreen list I create would be, compared to my personal life, relatively short! Isn’t that ironic.