Sleeping with Cissies, Coming out as Queer

by Jiz Lee on / Gender, Sex, Queer Porn

Today (September 23rd) is Bisexuality Day, a day created as “a call for bisexual and pansexual people, their friends and supporters to recognize and celebrate bisexuality, bisexual history, bisexual community and culture, and the bi- and pansexual people in their lives.” (From Wikipedia.)

My gender and sexual identity has shifted over the years as I’ve explored and discovered myself. My first sexual identity was as bisexual in high school. Later in college, I sort of identified as a dyke, and then as transgender, while having sexual encounters with others of many genders and sexual orientations. Eventually I found the word genderqueer to describe my gender identity, and simply “queer” to describe my sexual orientation.

I am incredibly OUT about being queer.

I say “queer” rather than bisexual, because to me the word bisexual seems to imply that there are only two sexualities (and the word itself creating three). These sexualities are presumably determined through the gender of oneself and lovers. This seems too limiting to me, because I myself don’t feel much like a “man” or a “woman”, and while some of my lovers do identify as such, not all of them do, or not all of them do all of the time.

However, “bisexual” is a great word as well because it is more recognizable, and many assume that queer means “same-sex loving”. For me, queer doesn’t only mean same-sex loving, though it certainly can include those sexual identities.

I’m often referred to as a lesbian, though I’ve actually never self-identified as such. My sexual identity is queer, which includes lovers of all genders.

It’s an easy mistake to make. All of the work I’ve been in so far has been with co-stars who have/had female bodies which certainly has a “lesbian” impression, particularly to those who are much more familiar with the word lesbian than the word queer.

Did you catch that I’ve said “so far”? That’s right.

Pretty soon there will be some releases which show me working with Mickey Mod and with Wolf Hudson, both cisgender men. (At least, by their appearance — I wouldn’t want to assume their gender identity was cisgender male — I’m acknowledging that many viewers will see them as “men”.) My decision to do porn scenes with them was no different than my decision to do any previous porn shoots. It is not often that I have a male lover or friend who wants to shoot porn and in this case Mickey is a bonefied porn performer and I asked him to shoot with me for Cocksexual.com. With Wolf, who I had met once before at Folsom Street Fair, I was asked by Nica Noelle to shoot with Wolf and Dylan Ryan (who also has a great blog post about being queer) for her straight film line, Sweet Sinner. I was very curious to try out a “straight” scene and I wanted to shoot with Wolf. I’m glad I tried it, though I probably would not shoot another straight scene because it didn’t feel very comfortable for me in terms of my queer identity.

Now, when I say I am not interested in doing another straight scene, this doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t shoot again with a cisgender man. You could have a female-assigned* person paired with a male-assigned* person and have a queer sex scene, and you can also have a straight sex scene. Shine Louise Houston has shot a queer sex scene with Mickey and Shawn for CrashPadSeries.com. Courtney Trouble has shot a queer sex scene in Roulette Toronto with Dia Zerva and her partner Wordman. Carlos Batts shot Dangerous Curves which has both a scene with me, April Flores, and Syd Blakovich and other scenes which are “B/G” (boy/girl). For that reason, the movie is not shelved with “queer porn”, but with alt porn titles that are presumably “straight”. What defines queer porn vs straight porn? Is it the matter of the director or performer? Or the audience?

Do you know it when you see it?

I’m not pretending to have answers, just a whole bunch of questions.

Maybe I’m Questioning, too.

*female/male-assigned is the sex an individual was assigned at birth.

Jiz Lee

13 Replies to “Sleeping with Cissies, Coming out as Queer”

DucatiGuy

Not sure I like being called a cissie 🙂 but those thoughts are very interesting.

I’ve taken the liberty of posting a link in a couple of Fetlife groups, hope you don’t mind.

Cheers
DG

Reply
Holland

Love what you have to say on how sexuality and even gender can fluctuate over time. Boxes could exist for some people but to me, it has never made sense.

Reply
Marcelo

I don’t think sex should have any kind of boundaries, although the mind plays a important role in the understanding of what sex is…

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aeric

“You could have a female-bodied person paired with a male-bodied person and have a queer sex scene…” umm yesyesyesyesyes. this is the sweet spot for me – what i’d love to see/more of…

-aeric

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Anonymous for now

The one porn film I was in (The Bi Apple) was fun, but it didn’t have as much of the queer vibe that SLH’s work does. I hope some day she finds the funds and audience for a full length bisexual themed movie.

And yes, I know queerness when I see it, and it can include opposite sex sex acts, as well as just opposite sex relationships. My two ongoing relationships are with people of the opposite sex, and are quite queer. Even when we’re not having sex 🙂 It’s because I’m queer, and they’re queer.

Reply
tihani

hi Jiz! I randomly found a link in a discussion elsewhere. Just wanted to say you made my day, as I identify as genderqueer and and queer sexually too, finding bisexual and sometimes even trans as too limiting. I think it’s awesome that you have a blog! Cheers and happy folsom!

-tihani (tommi)

Reply
lau

mmhmm. what a great time to be alive, to find other human beings expressing what I feel in my bones and heart and cunt. seeing the great and beautiful political artistic medium of porn performances as a vehicle for this expression. I’m in agreement too, that queer is for me the best adjective or noun to describe my experience as a female bodied primarily female gendered person who is attracted to all genders and sexualities…. and perhaps most to the inbetween expressions of gender that allow me to express my own muchness. bisexual is a an itchy word… not quite even big enough. my most satisfying sexual relationships thus far have been with, in simplistic terms, a male bodied person who has a feminine self identity and a female bodied person who has a masculine self identity.

lau

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Garnet Joyce

First of all, I absolutely love the title of this post.

I also ID as queer for the same reasons you do but also because I feel like the word bisexual is pejorative. I got tired of telling people I was bi because of their reactions to my sexuality. Hetero cis-men would ask if they could watch and the queer community either assumed I was really a lesbian but hadn’t figured it out yet or that I was a traitor into their community. When I tell people I’m queer I don’t get any of that. Sure some people think that means that I’m only interested in same sex loving but that just allows for a teaching moment.

As far as queer b/g porn, I think a lot has to do with how hard the actors stick with their assigned gender roles and what the intended audience of the scene is. I definitely felt like Mickey and Syd’s scene was queer and it was extremely hot. And yet their scene in Frisk Me wasn’t as queer. I definitely think that there can be varying degrees of it and I tend to enjoy scenes more when people do escape from the rigid gender roles that mainstream porn seems to be so trapped in.

By the way, it was good seeing you at lesbo retro and I hope I can actually talk to you sometime when I get over my shyness. Maybe I’ll see you today at folsom?

Reply
Keltik

I think the difference between straight and queer porn is defined by content. Scenes that are what is considered traditional heterosexual, heteronormative sex would be defined as straight. Anything otherwise would be queer. I wouldn’t say though that a boy/girl scene will always fall within the definition of straight.

Reply
Gina

Nice post, Jiz. I have similar feelings about the word “bisexual,” but I still use it to describe myself sometimes. As long as there’s still biphobia in the world, it’s still a term I use.

One suggestion around some language you use here:
The terms “female assigned” and “male assigned” are generally preferred over “male-bodied” and “female-bodied.” “Male-bodied” and “female-bodied” can get really essentialist really fast, especially in terms of how they are often used to differentiate between trans people and cis people. “Female assigned” and “male assigned” get at what you’re trying to say without all the nasty implications of assigning certain kinds of bodies certain gendered qualities. Does that make sense?

<3

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Jiz Lee

Thank you, Gina!
I agree and have updated my post.
Great clarification; I’ll be sure to remember to use the term from now on!
-Jiz

Reply
My Fucking Dirty Thirty

[…] noticed my friend Mickey Mod in the other room and caught his eye. For folks who are curious about my queer sexuality, I love many genders and cisgender queer men are not excluded. This shoot marks my first scene with […]

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Octopus Wrecks

[…] Queer”, Jiz Lee writes that although she has identified with several labels over the years, “These sexualities are presumably determined through the gender of oneself and lovers. This se… She’s referring to the fact that her identified gender is gender queer, but I think the same […]

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