Today (September 23rd) is Bisexuality Day, a day created as “a call for bisexual and pansexual people, their friends and supporters to recognize and celebrate bisexuality, bisexual history, bisexual community and culture, and the bi- and pansexual people in their lives.” (From Wikipedia.)
My gender and sexual identity has shifted over the years as I’ve explored and discovered myself. My first sexual identity was as bisexual in high school. Later in college, I sort of identified as a dyke, and then as transgender, while having sexual encounters with others of many genders and sexual orientations. Eventually I found the word genderqueer to describe my gender identity, and simply “queer” to describe my sexual orientation.
I am incredibly OUT about being queer.
I say “queer” rather than bisexual, because to me the word bisexual seems to imply that there are only two sexualities (and the word itself creating three). These sexualities are presumably determined through the gender of oneself and lovers. This seems too limiting to me, because I myself don’t feel much like a “man” or a “woman”, and while some of my lovers do identify as such, not all of them do, or not all of them do all of the time.
However, “bisexual” is a great word as well because it is more recognizable, and many assume that queer means “same-sex loving”. For me, queer doesn’t only mean same-sex loving, though it certainly can include those sexual identities.
I’m often referred to as a lesbian, though I’ve actually never self-identified as such. My sexual identity is queer, which includes lovers of all genders.
It’s an easy mistake to make. All of the work I’ve been in so far has been with co-stars who have/had female bodies which certainly has a “lesbian” impression, particularly to those who are much more familiar with the word lesbian than the word queer.
Did you catch that I’ve said “so far”? That’s right.
Pretty soon there will be some releases which show me working with Mickey Mod and with Wolf Hudson, both cisgender men. (At least, by their appearance — I wouldn’t want to assume their gender identity was cisgender male — I’m acknowledging that many viewers will see them as “men”.) My decision to do porn scenes with them was no different than my decision to do any previous porn shoots. It is not often that I have a male lover or friend who wants to shoot porn and in this case Mickey is a bonefied porn performer and I asked him to shoot with me for Cocksexual.com. With Wolf, who I had met once before at Folsom Street Fair, I was asked by Nica Noelle to shoot with Wolf and Dylan Ryan (who also has a great blog post about being queer) for her straight film line, Sweet Sinner. I was very curious to try out a “straight” scene and I wanted to shoot with Wolf. I’m glad I tried it, though I probably would not shoot another straight scene because it didn’t feel very comfortable for me in terms of my queer identity.
Now, when I say I am not interested in doing another straight scene, this doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t shoot again with a cisgender man. You could have a female-assigned* person paired with a male-assigned* person and have a queer sex scene, and you can also have a straight sex scene. Shine Louise Houston has shot a queer sex scene with Mickey and Shawn for CrashPadSeries.com. Courtney Trouble has shot a queer sex scene in Roulette Toronto with Dia Zerva and her partner Wordman. Carlos Batts shot Dangerous Curves which has both a scene with me, April Flores, and Syd Blakovich and other scenes which are “B/G” (boy/girl). For that reason, the movie is not shelved with “queer porn”, but with alt porn titles that are presumably “straight”. What defines queer porn vs straight porn? Is it the matter of the director or performer? Or the audience?
Do you know it when you see it?
I’m not pretending to have answers, just a whole bunch of questions.
Maybe I’m Questioning, too.
*female/male-assigned is the sex an individual was assigned at birth.