Spanking has not always been my friend. Why not?
#1 It reminds me of my mother who used to spank me as punishment. Even the possibility of thinking of my mom during an erotic moment kills the mood.
#2 I didn’t know during my budding experiments as a spanking bottom that I could have any control over the way I was being hit. Without getting what I wanted, it just hurt. There was also the ex whose bedroom smacks escalated into physical abuse. Yup, there’s no eroticism around that kind of pain.
#3 I didn’t know the difference between a thud and a slap. To me, a spank was a spank; I did not know the possibility of subtilty, variation, fantasy, eroticism, different materials, or a well-versed top who listens to your needs. I didn’t even know until more recent years that I too could dish out the smacks, and find a powerful excitement about that role. And that this power could be consensual and clearly communicated.
Learning about impact play was like learning there is more than one kind of cheese than Velveta. It happened over the course of good lovers and google. All spanks are not created equal, and that’s the beauty of them. I’ve since learned to appreciate the spank. Here’s a little of what I know:
To me, a spank means a strike with a flat object like an open palm and includes the butt as well as the thighs and entire genital area. Sensations can run from sharp stinging slaps to deep penetrating thuds. It all depends on the force and shape/material of the implement. With a bare hand, there are lots of variations — you can grab the ass after the slap, use nails to make impressions or scratches, or make fists to punch. You can have bare dry or wet palms or even wear gloves – latex, rubber, or another one of my favorites: boxing gloves.
Besides tangible things like rhythm, implements and bruises, there’s mental environment as well. The fantasies, role-playing, and variety of situations where spanking can occur whether it be pure wall-to-wall spanking, or if a simple spank is slipped in during sex to help enhance the mood. I like to smack partners as I near climax to encourage them to fuck a little harder. Slapping from the bottom?
Tips for Tops include asking a new spanking buddy to rate the initial slap from 1 to 10 (1 being ‘not enough’ and 10 being ‘way too much’) or, to give two options and ask which feels better, the first one (slightly lighter) or the second one (slightly harder). Like taking an eye test at the optometrist.
It was my recent interest in spanking which caused me to jump at the opportunity to read Spanked: Red Cheeked Erotica, a collection of short stories edited by renown editor/author Rachel Kramer Bussel on the theme of spanking. Education and erotic stories like those in Spanked: Red Cheeked Erotica help me understand my own fears and fantasies associated with spanking. Here are some sections I identified with for various reasons:
Spanking You – Spanking has the ability to empower, particularly in terms of body acceptance. It took me a long time to accept my curvy ass, which I had long despised for being too feminine. Reclaiming it has been part of my overall acceptance of my body particularly in how it relates to my gender and sexual identity.
The Depths of Despair – As a degradation bottom, I was pleasantly shocked to read and understand the main character’s progression throughout the story. And even though I quickly recognized the scene and knew what was coming, it still made me cry. Gawd I’m a pushover.
Logan – Your classic ‘gay girl wants straight girl but can’t have her so she pretends to be the boyfriend when straight girl is blindfolded’ story. Plus I LOVE thud-type spanks so here’s a hot excerpt that made my right butt cheek flinch when I read it.
“Yeah, I felt like shit. But I couldn’t take anything back. Not a fuckin’ thing. And the thought of this made me whack her with that skateboard… I aimed at the dead center of her buttocks and caught it just right. This caused the entire chair to move, and the flesh on her ass sprang back and forth… the wheels went spinning on the skateboard, the ball bearings mimicking the raindrops that sprinkled against the windows.
“Uhmmm,” she moaned. “What the fuck is that? Shit, damn, that’s good,” she said.” – excerpt from Logan, by Rosalind Christine Lloyd
It’s not often that I read erotica cover to cover. However this book, for me anyway, was a bit different because it provided fantasy, validation, and some really hot sex in the context of spanking. Thank you RKB!
Bonus: A great video I’ve watched with Gina Grant, which shows some good rules about Impact Play is available at BehindKink.com. You may have to register to view it, it’s free. Gina Grant helps Annette Schwarz Dom