Love is a beautiful, dangerous, inspiring, and complicated kick in the ass. I’m in open relationships. In the past I was non-consensually non-monogamous… aka I cheated, a lot. In the past five years or so, I’ve been learning how to communicate honestly, which included being more truthful to myself. That might be the hardest part — knowing what you want.
Every month or so, I go to a group meeting with my friends and lovers, and listen to what others have to say about love. Last night, we shared these two lists, which I’m completely fascinated by. I thought I’d put them here, in case they’re any use to any of you — sometimes I get questions about being poly, though issues around open relationships (time management is a big one) pertain to anyone regardless of our relationship style.
Six Basic Needs
We each have a desire to meet our basic needs; how we meet them is up to us. Will it be sustainable? Attainable? Destructive? Healthy?
1. Certainty – relates to security and safety
3. Connection / Love
5. Contribution (to something larger than ourselves, to community, etc)
6. Growth (personal growth, self-actualization)
Everyone has a different threshold for where this need is met. Ultimately, it’s about how the need gets met.
(Adapted from Tony Robbins and Vanguard Leather)
The Five Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch